Woke up from a fitful slumber at six this morning in a cold bed and the smell of burning plastic (from having a shopping bag a bit too close to the radiator) still slightly wafting through the air. I am not quite sure what I was dreaming about to tell the truth; but I can be fairly sure that it did little to ease my troubled mind.
Honestly speaking, while I am kind of scared about my current financial status there are things that I am even more worried about. Like, when I do get the job, gig, income coming in that will I still be as sad and troubled as I am now. All these people I chat with on Twitter and Facebook; am I bugging them? Will I ever be a true comic professional (despite having a trade length book and a self published book, both kind of well received, I still have yet to have any editor-type people notice) and be able to eke out a modest living with it? Have I wasted most of my life on frivolities rather than concentrating on the Important Stuff™? Will I have anything interesting to say on this blog, or in conversations with people obviously more interesting and cooler than myself? Will I find something new to fret over when I solve these issues (if I ever do) and will I ever be 100% happy. These thoughts wear on me like sandpaper on my soul.
I know worry and self-imposed stress are useless and should be rationalized and done away with, but that is not human nature, is it? We cannot simply flip a switch in our heads to make us feel confident or calm or happy. That itself tears at me: I want to be confident, calm and happy, I just can't make it happen despite all the 'success' I have had.
And that's the true problem, isn't it?
Saturday, December 22, 2012
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
Why I write.
I am sitting here, eating a donut and trying to figure out how I can try and make some money and make my dreams come true. My dream being to become a fairly successful writer of graphic novels/comic books or maybe TV/Webseries...but it is to write. And that got me thinking on as to...why?
I mean, it's not like most comic book writers are rolling in money. Hell, some of my favorite writers are getting death threats over comics they write. Why the hell do I want to that?!
I guess it all comes down to getting one's message out. To entertain, hopefully and maybe teach a lesson. Sure, the world-creation is fun and it feels good to get the right beats of conversation down on the screen. But all of those are the rewards. The drive to try and prove a point in a non-confrontational way that sometimes the world is messed up and it takes a good person to fix it.
And the rewards are not always monetary, I understand that. Some of the friendships I made with my comics are some of the best I have. When someone tells me they enjoyed my book, it lifts my spirits up higher than almost anything. So there's that too, can't ignore the reward...the carrot.
I guess I need to remember to get my message out, and if I make it true to myself...if I don't compromise the message (the story, when working with artists and editors, compromise is going to happen...I mean the message) and craft the best yarn I could.
---
I am pretty much done with PANYC issue one, barring editorial changes. I sent it into The Proving Grounds and hope it passes muster. I think it's good, people who read it (albiet, copies before I revised it) think it's good...so if it does well with these guys, I think I might have something.
Time to try and find a good artist who's willing to give things a go on this story. At least 6 pages worth to make a submission or start something. Don't quite know how to monetize things, but getting an idea. Maybe do this as a webcomic? I dunno. Will work this out.
I mean, it's not like most comic book writers are rolling in money. Hell, some of my favorite writers are getting death threats over comics they write. Why the hell do I want to that?!
I guess it all comes down to getting one's message out. To entertain, hopefully and maybe teach a lesson. Sure, the world-creation is fun and it feels good to get the right beats of conversation down on the screen. But all of those are the rewards. The drive to try and prove a point in a non-confrontational way that sometimes the world is messed up and it takes a good person to fix it.
And the rewards are not always monetary, I understand that. Some of the friendships I made with my comics are some of the best I have. When someone tells me they enjoyed my book, it lifts my spirits up higher than almost anything. So there's that too, can't ignore the reward...the carrot.
I guess I need to remember to get my message out, and if I make it true to myself...if I don't compromise the message (the story, when working with artists and editors, compromise is going to happen...I mean the message) and craft the best yarn I could.
---
I am pretty much done with PANYC issue one, barring editorial changes. I sent it into The Proving Grounds and hope it passes muster. I think it's good, people who read it (albiet, copies before I revised it) think it's good...so if it does well with these guys, I think I might have something.
Time to try and find a good artist who's willing to give things a go on this story. At least 6 pages worth to make a submission or start something. Don't quite know how to monetize things, but getting an idea. Maybe do this as a webcomic? I dunno. Will work this out.
Monday, December 17, 2012
It's weird.
I keep wanting to start one of these things. I mean, look at all the really good blogs (one of my favorites is "Awkward Situations for Girls" by Katie Kahn. I swear she should turn it into a sitcom or something.).
I just find it really hard to write a significant amount about something that hasn't been written before. Take the shooting in Connecticut that happened recently. I could write on how we seriously need stricter gun control (seriously, who needs an assault rifle...or a pistol for that matter?); but there are a kajillion of things on the subject that say what I have to say, so why bother?
Maybe some insight and extra bits to this Post Apocalyptic NYC (PANYC) thing I am writing?
Anyway. I'm aiming for at least one of these blog posts per week. I hope I can stick to it.
What am I listening to: "A Blessed Unrest" by The Parlor Trick - Haunting mood music to write by.
"Seven Swans" by Sufjan Stevens - calming, but I am scared that I might be a hipster now.
What am I reading: "The Legend of Luther Strode" by Jordan & Moore - follow up to one of my fave books of last year, this has a more splatterhorror to it. Stellar book if you like a bit of the ultraviolence.
anyways, try not kill anyone, will yah?
josh
I just find it really hard to write a significant amount about something that hasn't been written before. Take the shooting in Connecticut that happened recently. I could write on how we seriously need stricter gun control (seriously, who needs an assault rifle...or a pistol for that matter?); but there are a kajillion of things on the subject that say what I have to say, so why bother?
Maybe some insight and extra bits to this Post Apocalyptic NYC (PANYC) thing I am writing?
Anyway. I'm aiming for at least one of these blog posts per week. I hope I can stick to it.
What am I listening to: "A Blessed Unrest" by The Parlor Trick - Haunting mood music to write by.
"Seven Swans" by Sufjan Stevens - calming, but I am scared that I might be a hipster now.
What am I reading: "The Legend of Luther Strode" by Jordan & Moore - follow up to one of my fave books of last year, this has a more splatterhorror to it. Stellar book if you like a bit of the ultraviolence.
anyways, try not kill anyone, will yah?
josh
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